LOSS 4
by Moonpattern
Summary: sARA COMES FACE TO FACE WITH THE DEMONS IN HER PAST, POST NO HUMANS INVOLVED
1. Default Chapter

Fic Title: Loss

Author: Moonpattern

Fandom: CSI

Pairing: Grissom/Sara

Date: December 2004

Feedback: I'll take feedback but please be gentle, I have already been on fire this month, lol!

Rating: (R sexual references/violence/mature subjects)

Disclaimer: ("This is not meant to be taken as true, I make no $$$ . . .")

Summary: Post No humans involved, Sara has some issues to work through

Dedications: Thanks to my friends Theresa and Amy for urging me on and the website people for the encouragement.

Sara Sidle sat in the office all by herself, and made sure no one was around, half of the crew was in the break room. Grissom was in his office with Sophia, she didn't even have time to register what she had just saw, she would realize and process it later. She sat in front of the computer and slowly began to type:

_'The people Vs. Laura Sidle W/2, Modesto, California, 1984'_

She thought for a minute before she went any further. _Did she really want to know about her? Did she really want to know the outcome? It had been so many years and she didn't know, so why did she want to know now? Twenty years of not knowing, was this something she really wanted to know?_

Sara thought for a minute. The latest case really rattled her. The one boy was starved to death, literally and the other two would have been right behind him if they hadn't found them. They were just little boys, the oldest being only nine years old. That was even younger than her when she got into the system. At least she had been thirteen, but thinking back, she knew that could have just as easily been her found dead curled up in a plastic tote in a dumpster, discarded like last weeks garbage. Some people just pissed her off. How someone could do that to children, let alone children that were related to them was beyond her.

The computer screen popped up. The search yielded what she wanted to know. It seemed that Laura had done some time, twenty years to be exact, was still serving her sentence in the minimum-security prison in Modesto. Based on the court files, she was due to be paroled in January. Sara silently wondered if she ever regretted what she had done. That lonely day in July was the last time her family was normal.

Sara jotted down some notes on the notepad and stuck it in her pocket and closed the computer screen before anyone saw what she was doing. She got up from her post and went to join the rest of them in the break room, pausing outside the door. In the break room Catherine and her crew were sitting chatting to Greg. Everyone was accounted for except Grissom and Sophia. Sara thought for a minute, oh right Sophia was in Grissom's office. It then donned on Sara the thought that had just rushed into her head. _Sophia was with Grissom, in his office, that couldn't be good!_ Sara turned to head towards Grissom's office. She entered the doorway and knocked on the door. Grissom sat there with papers in front of him and looked up to see Sara in his doorway.

"Sara."

"Griss, can we talk?" She looked around for Sophia, she wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"Sure, Sara, come in, shut the door behind you."

Sara walked towards Grissom and sat in the chair in front of him. She was silent at first, trying to collect the thoughts she wanted to express to Grissom. She wanted to be honest with him but she knew she couldn't, not now, she didn't even know where to start. Grissom broke the silence.

"Sara, did you actually want to talk to me, or do you just enjoy my company?"

"I came here to talk, yes, but I am just finding it hard to tell you my problem. Could we do this somewhere else? Maybe dinner? I know I tried this before, but I really need someone to talk to, I am not comfortable talking to you here, if you don't want to go, I understand, it is just that I could really use a friend right now….." Grissom interrupted her.

"Sara, slow down! I can see something is bothering you, I will agree to dinner, as your friend as long as you promise to talk to me!"

"I'm sorry, I over talk, it is a bad habit, but I do promise to talk to you, when and where, do you have a preference?"

"It is your call, you are the vegetarian, not me, it is entirely up to you!"

"How about my apartment at five thirty tonight, how does that sound, I will cook supper for us." The words shot out of her mouth before she even got a chance to think.

"If that's what you want Sara, I will be there."

"Do you know where I live?"

"Yes!"

"Alright, I will see you then!" and she walked out. She didn't notice she had been fidgeting with her hands in her pocket and lost the piece of paper she had written the facts about her mother on. Grissom saw it fall and immediately got up and picked the paper up off the floor and opened it to read it:

_Laura Sidle Modesto County Correctional Services_

_Inmate #255432-A_

_Parole hearing January 13th, 2005_

Grissom scanned the paper for any clues, _who was Laura Sidle? Why was she in Jail? Was this what Sara wanted to talk to him about?_ He placed the paper in his pocket and headed for the break room.


	2. CHAPTER 2

Sara walked into her apartment and placed her keys down and turned to lock her door behind her. After tonight's shift, she was exhausted, not only physically, but mentally as well. She only had a few hours to sleep before she had to prepare a meal for Grissom. _Yes! Grissom was coming over to her house to talk, was this a mistake? She had to talk about taking a bit of time off, but she hadn't yet decided if she would completely tell him why. _She stripped the clothes off her tired worn body, slipped into her worn T-Shirt and shorts and curled up into her welcoming bed and succumbed to sleep.

"_Sara, go get that for your father, like he asked!"_

"_I told you he is not my father!"_

There was a loud crack and Laura's hand had completely Came Square with Sara's jaw landing Sara onto the floor. "You see, you ungrateful little bitch, this is what you make me do to you when you don't listen!" With that Laura got up and passed the unopened can of beer to the big man sitting on the couch. Sara got up, gained her composure and retreated for her bedroom, if that is what you call it.

_Sara's bedroom was no bigger than a closet, it was nothing more than a blanket and a pillow on the floor, no window, no comfort, nothing, but to Sara it was home. It was her sanctuary, where she went to collect her thoughts, she did that a lot, and where she went to get away. She sat in her "room" with her little lamp and studied her ass off; she knew it was the only way she would ever get away from this place. She knew her marks had to be exceptional to qualify for scholarships, because without scholarships, she was going to be stuck in Modesto California for the rest of her life. _

_Sara sat there rocking herself to sleep through the screaming and yelling and the sounds of things breaking. She knew why they lived in this slum of a neighborhood, no one around them cared what went on, unlike the last place they lived. Sara lost track of the millions of times the police had showed up at the door with a complaint of a domestic dispute and Sara had to make up some half cocked story about fighting with her brother and it getting a little out of hand. She knew they didn't believe her, but they never bothered to send Social Services to investigate, that just fuelled the fact that they didn't even care._

_Sara's mind flashed to July 1984, they were in the living room of her house. Her mother was passed out on the couch, strung out on some drug, her step father was drunk sitting in the chair staring aimlessly at the television screen, Sara's brother was not at home, he was Seventeen, nearly eighteen and he was out with his friends, Sara felt completely alone. She left the living room and retreated to her room to try and study a bit before bed, she snapped the dim light on and opened the textbook to read when she was interrupted by a drunk slurring his words at her._

"_What are you doing you little bitch?"_

"_What does it look like I am doing, I am studying you Moron!"_

_HE bent down and slapped her across the face, "That will teach you to disrespect me!"_

_Sara quickly placed her hand on her cheek that was stinging from the pain and choked back the tears._

"_What do you think you are gonna do, grow up to be better than us or something?"_

"_Damn right!"_

_HE backhanded Sara and sent her flying across the tiny room. The force was good enough that it sent her unconscious. She woke up on the bed in the bedroom he shared with her mother, stripped off all her clothe, gagged and tied to the bed. _

The images came rushing back to Sara as she woke up screaming. She looked over at the clock, it was only shortly after ten, she knew this wasn't enough sleep, but she knew she couldn't go back to sleep right now either. She got up and decided to take a nice ht shower to hopefully wash away the images burnt into her head and eventually be able to take a nap before her scheduled dinner with Grissom.

TBC


	3. CHAPTER 3

Grissom had a lot to think about on his drive home. He held the paper in his hand that Sara had dropped in his office. HE wondered who Laura Sidle was, was it Sara's mom? What had she done to be put in jail? Perhaps it was Sara's sister, he didn't know Sara to have a sister, but she seldom talked about her past, so who knows, whoever it was, Grissom knew it would bring demons form Sara's past with it. He had always noticed that cases with children always bothered Sara as well as Rape cases, he vaguely thought back to the Kay Shelton Case where her husband beat her and killed her, she had openly told him she had nightmares about the case and he told her it was empathy. _You can be such an insensitive ass, Gil!_ He thought to himself. _Something in her past has made her this way and now she wants to share it with you, so you must be on your best behavior and show her that you care._

He pulled into his driveway and got out of the truck and retreated to the confines of his townhouse and the sweet sanctuary of his bedroom for some much needed sleep. He hoped that would clear his head.

The shower was hot. Sara didn't realize how hot it was until her flesh was so hot it was sore. She then turned the shower off and climbed out of the shower and went to get dressed. She made herself a pot of coffee and sat on the couch to collect her thoughts. She got up and poured herself a cup of coffee and reached for her jacket to retrieve the paper she had jotted down the information about Laura on.

_Gone!_

_Fuck! What the hell happened to that?_

She went into panic mode and quickly picked up the phone and dialled Grissom's number.

"Grissom" the sleepy sound came from the phone.

"Griss, its …Sara!"

"Sara? Do you ever sleep?"

"I know Griss, I am sorry, but I didn't happen to drop a piece of paper on your floor this morning, did I?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact you did, why?"

"It is important, can you bring it with you tonight? You still are coming tonight, right?"

"Yes Sara, I will bring it with me tonight, is there anything else I can do for you, or can I go back to sleep?"

"Thanks Griss, I am sorry I woke you up.

"S'ok Sara, I will see you later."

Well that crisis was adverted, she thought, now the only one who knows what is on that paper besides her is Grissom. This evening may be harder that she had once thought.

Sara threw on her shoes, grabbed her purse and keys and headed for the door. She decided that sleeping wasn't an option so she had to run to the supermarket to get food for their meal for tonight.

He knew she was a vegetarian, after the whole dead pig wrapped in a blanket case with Kaye Shelton, but she couldn't expect him to enjoy tofu, she invited him, so she figured she should prepare him some real food in addition to her vegetarian delights.

The supermarket was oddly crowded for nearly eleven in the morning. She ran over to the meat department and looked for some meat for Grissom. She decided on Salmon, at least it was meat and it wouldn't gag her to cook it. She also decided that the side dish she would cook would be rice. And they would have a nice salad to start them off. She thought about wine, but after the whole DUI thing not that long ago, she decided that sparkling grape juice would have to do. She gathered up her things and headed to the checkout.

When she arrived home she busily began to prepare the food. It was nearly lunchtime and she hadn't yet eaten so she quickly whipped something fast up for lunch for her. She put everything away and retreated for the couch to curl up with her cup of coffee.

_Dessert? Damn, what will we have for dessert?_ She asked herself.

She got up and looked through her cupboards. She saw that she had some ground wafer crumbs, some allfruit jam and some cream cheese. She quickly thought that with only a few more items she could make some mini cheesecakes. Sara suddenly remembered that there was frozen dessert topping in the freezer. She retrieved it and began to build her creation.

By three o'clock, the dessert was setting in the fridge, the "wine" was chilling, the veggies were prepped and the salmon was in the oven. She was quite proud of her accomplishments and she went to try and find something to wear.

She wanted it to be nice, but not too nice, she didn't want it to seem she was trying too hard, she decided on a nice pair of black dress slacks and a button down shirt. It wasn't entirely different from what she wore any other day, but Grissom had never seen her wear this outfit, she had just bought it not too long ago. With her outfit picked out, she scooped it up and headed back into the shower.

She got out of the shower, got dressed and looked at the clock, it was just after three-thirty, she had only a mere two hours before Grissom would arrive, the butterflies started to surface in her belly.


	4. CHAPTER 4

The alarm clock went off at three'o clock and Grissom woke up, stretched and got up out of bed. He only had a few hours before he was scheduled to meet Sara for dinner at her house. _What was he doing? He knew she needed a friend, but was he expecting more to come from this? _He shook the idea from his mind and headed for the bathroom. Moments later he returned to the bedroom to pick out some clothes to wear. He wanted something nice, but not too nice, he didn't want to come across as being too anxious, he just wanted to be himself. He decided on a pair of navy pants and a long-sleeved button up shirt. Both very similar to what he always wore. Happy with his choice, he headed for the shower.

He retreated from the bathroom dressed and headed to the kitchen for some coffee. Now the waiting game began, it was only shortly before four in the afternoon. He clasped the piece of paper with the writing in Sara's hand and wondered what doors this would open for them. She wanted to talk. He knew Sara didn't open up about her past to anyone and he was honored that she wanted to talk to him, but she wanted to be friends, after all, he had known her the longest, she came to Vegas on his request, they were fiends, no matter how stupid and insensitive he was to her. She asked him out; he knew how she felt, but he decided to reject her, as fragile as Sara was, he rejected her. No wonder she turned to drinking! He had been told that by the time he figured it out it would be too late, he hoped it wasn't too late.

The time went by so slowly. By five o'clock he couldn't handle the waiting anymore, he got dressed and headed for Sara's. He hoped she wouldn't mind him being slightly early.

Sara was busy preparing the finishing touches for their meal. The salmon was nearly done, she had decided on a nice dill sauce for over the Salmon, she hoped Grissom liked both dill and salmon. She also had decided to make a simple rice pilaf and a garden salad. Sara heard a knock at the door and hurried to answer it, she wondered who would be knocking at her door at this hour.

Sara looked through the peephole in her apartment door and saw Grissom standing there; she released the deadbolt, opened the door and let him in. He was dressed in blue, he looked amazing in blue, it complimented his eyes, Sara stood there for a minute drinking in his scent and his beautiful blue eyes then she flashed back to reality and took his coat and offered him a seat on the couch while she finished up.

"Sara, it smells wonderful, I didn't know you could cook."

"There is a lot you don't know Griss, just because I am single and live off take-out doesn't mean I can't cook, I just choose not to because it is no fun to cook a full meal for just me!"

"Nice apron Sara!" Grissom said looking at the apron she was donning over her clothes.

She giggled, "I have had this since I was a kid back at the B &B."

"Sara, is there something I can do to help you rather than sit here and watch you?"

"You don't have to help, but if you want to, you can set the table, the dishes are over there." She said pointing to the cupboard, the wine glasses are above the fridge."

He gave her a stare when she mentioned the wine glasses.

"Don't worry, it is non-alcoholic wine, I just thought it would be nice to drink it out of wine glasses rather than juice glasses."

"I'm sorry, Sara, I didn't mean to judge you."

"Its ok Griss, I was the one who made the mistake, not you, don't worry about it, and I think it is cute that you care."

_Cute? She thinks I am cute? Stop it Gil, she thinks your actions are cute, don't make this more than it is!_

He flashed her a smile and began to set the table. As soon as the table was set, Sara began to dish out the salad and placed the Salmon and rice in serving trays upon the table. The last touch was the "wine" and they were ready to sit down and eat.

"Do you eat Salad, Griss?"

"Just because I am not a vegetarian, doesn't mean I don't like salad!"

"I am sorry, I didn't mean that, its just some people, vegetarian or not, don't like salad," _shut up Sara, you are overtaking! _"Do you like poppy seed dressing? It is homemade!"

"It is fine, thank you!" he said pouring it on his salad.

They sat there eating in uncomfortable silence. They both had a lot racing through their heads, they ate and retreated to the living room for coffee.

"Do you want dessert, Griss?"

"Wow, dessert too? You have certainly out done yourself Sara!"

Sara began to blush. "So do you want dessert now or not?"

"Can we wait on dessert? Dinner was amazing but filling, can we have it a while later?"

"You had better eat it, I went through all this work, you had better eat it!"

"I promise you I will, just not now, ok?"

"Ok, Griss, sorry, I just have a lot on my mind these days."

"Speaking of your mind Sara, what did you want to talk about?"

She knew that was coming, she quickly assesses how she was going to do this and then she looked at Grissom and began to speak.


	5. CHAPTER 5

"Griss, do you have my paper?"

"Yes," he said reaching into his pocket, "What is this all about?"

"I will get to that, but I am going to find this hard, will you understand if I don't tell you all of this tonight?"

"Sara, I am here for you, if this takes years for you to get over, just remember that I am here for you!"

He reached over and grabbed her hand and placed it in his. She was comforted by this gesture. He knew she needed the comfort.

"I don't know where to start, Griss."

"Start where you want, Sara, I promise not to judge you, ok."

"Ok, well I guess since you know about the paper, I will start with that. Laura Sidle is the woman who gave birth to me."

"So she is your mother?"

"She doesn't deserve that title, Griss"

He was silent but urged her to go on. "What happened Sara?"

"I need some time off in January to go to her parole hearing. I don't think she deserves to get out after what she did to us, I want to be there, if I can prevent her getting out, I will! Am I allowed to go Griss?"

"Sara, you seldom take time off, why wouldn't I approve it, Honey?"

_Honey? Where did that come from?_

HE caught himself and continued to talk, "If you would like, Sara, I would accompany you, for support, I mean, if you want me to?"

Sara sat there stunned for a minute and thought about what she was gonna say, "Griss, you don't have to do that!"

"Sara, do you want me to go with you, so you don't have to go alone?"

"I would like that, very much, but if you can't I will understand."

"Sara, it is nearly a month away, I am sure that I can make arrangements, ok?"

"OK"

"So why is Laura in Jail?"

"She killed my brother!"


	6. CHAPTER 6

"So why is Laura in Jail?"

"She killed my brother!"

"What do you mean she killed your brother?"

"I mean my brother is dead and it is her fault!"

Sara began to cry. Grissom was torn, he didn't know if he should hold her and comfort her, or just let her cry. His feelings overcome him and he leaned in to embrace her. Sara was shocked at first, then she welcomed his embrace.

"Its ok, Sara, take all the time you need," he said stroking her back, "I am here as long as you need me!"

"Thanks Griss, I appreciate it, its just…it's just…hard. I have never told anyone about this before. I have so many demons in my closet, I am not sure if I will ever be able to completely conquer them!"

"Sara, what happened?"

She quickly sobbed, wiped her tears, and then began to talk, "I had a rough childhood Griss. MY father died when I was young, not quite five years old. He was a wonderful man from what I can remember," She sobbed harder, "He died in a car crash and that was when Laura snapped."

"Why do you call her Laura, Sara?"

"Griss, I call her Laura because I call someone else Mom. She doesn't deserve to be called a mother, let alone mine!"

"So she snapped? What do you mean by that?"

"She started drinking, she started hitting me and my brother, Andy tried to protect me, but he couldn't be there all the time. I could handle most of it, that was until HE came into the picture!"

"Sara, who is he?"

"He…HE …" she was sobbing hard, "He was an asshole! He was my mother's new husband, he is the reason I am the way I am and the reason Laura is the way she was!"

"His name was Harold Blair, he was her John, or that's how it started out, then he married her and then he became her pimp. Once I was ten, they decided that I could be useful. She used to sit and watch as he raped me…he used to rape me Griss!" She was crying. "I was ten years old, barely old enough to even know what was going on and he used to rape me. I can remember taking myself to any place but there, I would pretend that I was running in a garden, it was my only was to survive."

"Why didn't you tell anyone Sara?"

"Who was gonna listen to a ten year old girl form the wrong side of the tracks. I didn't have any friends or anything, so I had no one to tell."

"That's awful Sara! What happened?"

"One night my brother came home, he was drinking, he was seventeen and hung out with the bad crowd in our neighborhood, well he came home to find her with some John and he came to find me. I was sitting in my room crying. I am not sure you should even call what I lived in a room. I lived in a closet on a blanket on the floor."

Sara strived to gain her composure, "My brother lived in the living room, we lived in a rat-infested dive, and literally Grissom, they were the only friends I had."

Sara stopped to cry. The memories came flooding back to her. Grissom tightened his embrace on her.

"So what happened when your brother came home?"

"He saw what was going on and he came to find me. I was huddled in my "room" curled up in a ball crying, I was badly bruised and bleeding. Andy went postal! He took off to find Harold. He vowed he would pay for what he did to me, and pay he did!"

Sara sobbed, wiped her face and began again. "Andy grabbed his baseball bat and went to find Harold. He took his bat and beat him to death. He was the only person in this world that truly loved me! Laura went ballistic! She took all her anger out on Andy and she bludgeoned him to death! I ran, eyes full of tears to the neighbor's house and begged them to call the police. Luckily, I was covered in blood and they knew something was wrong."

"So let me get this straight, your brother killed your step-father to protect you and because of that Laura killed your brother?"

"Yes, that is it!"

"So what happened to you?"

"I was taken into the foster system, that was awful! It wasn't the greatest experience. I had a few foster homes that treated me no differently than I was treated at home. I was anti-social and all I did was study, it was my escape. I figured a scholarship was the only way I was going to college. Some of the foster families didn't like that; I came home from school and lived in my room. I bounced from home to home until I found Sandra and Jim!"

"Sandra and Jim?"

"Yes, they were the last foster home I was in, it was in Tamales Bay at the B & B. They were amazing people. That was where I learned to cook. I helped them out with the B & B, they were very supportive. It is too bad I met them when I was sixteen. They were wonderful people. They had no kids of their own and they took in strays a lot of the time. They tried to get me into therapy, but I didn't want to, so they didn't push me. Every once in a while I go to Tamales Bay to visit them, they are my mom and dad, or the best ones I had in my life. I get a Christmas card every year from them."

"So what happened with Laura?"

"Well, they couldn't charge Andy with murder, he was already dead, but they charged Laura with manslaughter for killing my brother, they tried to rule her unfit to stand trial, or so the computer said. She ultimate drove Andy to do what he did, I think she should have got a murder charge, but she did twenty years and her parole hearing is coming up. I want to be there. I want her to pay for what she did to us when we were kids."


	7. CHAPTER 7

"Sara, I don't know what to say…I am sorry for what happened to you. I am so sorry. Had I known what had happened to you, I would have treated things so differently. Like take for example the Kay Shelton case, I told you that you had empathy for the victim, when in actual fact, it was like you were reliving the horror all over again, wasn't it?

Sara nodded and snuggled her head into Grissom's chest. "Do you know what the worse part is, Griss?"

"What's that Sara?"

"There is a fifty percent chance that I will never be able to have children. I am not sure if I ever want to have children, but I don't like the fact that it may not even be an option to me."

"How did you come to know that?"

"After the attack and I was taken away to foster care, I was examined by doctors. They told me I had scarring on my fallopian tubes from all the times I was raped. Do you know that since that day I have only been with three men? In twenty years, I only let three men into my life!"

"I am so sorry Sara!"

"Don't pity me Griss, I don't want to be pitied. I just want your support. That is what I need right now!"

He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead, the embrace broke when his phone went off, "Grissom!"

"Are you planning on coming to work tonight, Grissom?" Catherine bellowed from the other end of the phone.

"Catherine, what are you bellowing about?"

"Gil, have you checked your watch lately? Are you aware what time it is?"

Grissom looked at his watch, it was shortly after ten, shift started at ten. Where had the time gone? He looked down at Sara and thought for a second, "Catherine, how busy are you tonight?"

"Well, I have a few open cases, but other than that, I am alright why?"

"I am with Sara, she is really upset and needs the support, do you think you can cover for me, feed them some kinda line, tell them I had an emergency and that Sara is out sick. If it gets too bad call me and I will come in, is that Ok Cath?"

"Sure, Gil, I am sure you are needed more there than you are here." She hung up the phone.

Grissom looked down at Sara, she was sleeping in his arms. He twisted around and picked her up into his arms and carried her to her bedroom and placed her on the bed. He pulled back the covers and placed her inside. He went to get up and she reached for him, "Griss, don't leave me!"

His heart began to pound, she was so weak, and she needed him so much, even if it was just as a friend.

"Sara, I am not going anywhere!"

He lay down beside her and she cuddled up into his arms.

"_Sara, go get that for your father, like he asked!"_

"_I told you he is not my father!"_

There was a loud crack and Laura's hand had completely Came Square with Sara's jaw landing Sara onto the floor. "You see, you ungrateful little bitch, this is what you make me do to you when you don't listen!" With that Laura got up and passed the unopened can of beer to the big man sitting on the couch. Sara got up, gained her composure and retreated for her bedroom, if that is what you call it.

_Sara's bedroom was no bigger than a closet, it was nothing more than a blanket and a pillow on the floor, no window, no comfort, nothing, but to Sara it was home. It was her sanctuary, where she went to collect her thoughts, she did that a lot, and where she went to get away. She sat in her "room" with her little lamp and studied her ass off; she knew it was the only way she would ever get away from this place. She knew her marks had to be exceptional to qualify for scholarships, because without scholarships, she was going to be stuck in Modesto California for the rest of her life. _

_Sara sat there rocking herself to sleep through the screaming and yelling and the sounds of things breaking. She knew why they lived in this slum of a neighborhood, no one around them cared what went on, unlike the last place they lived. Sara lost track of the millions of times the police had showed up at the door with a complaint of a domestic dispute and Sara had to make up some half cocked story about fighting with her brother and it getting a little out of hand. She knew they didn't believe her, but they never bothered to send Social Services to investigate, that just fuelled the fact that they didn't even care._

_Sara's mind flashed to July 1984, they were in the living room of her house. Her mother was passed out on the couch, strung out on some drug, her step father was drunk sitting in the chair staring aimlessly at the television screen, Sara's brother was not at home, he was Seventeen, nearly eighteen and he was out with his friends, Sara felt completely alone. She left the living room and retreated to her room to try and study a bit before bed, she snapped the dim light on and opened the textbook to read when she was interrupted by a drunk slurring his words at her._

"_What are you doing you little bitch?"_

"_What does it look like I am doing, I am studying you Moron!"_

_HE bent down and slapped her across the face, "That will teach you to disrespect me!"_

_Sara quickly placed her hand on her cheek that was stinging from the pain and choked back the tears._

"_What do you think you are gonna do, grow up to be better than us or something?"_

"_Damn right!"_

_HE backhanded Sara and sent her flying across the tiny room. The force was good enough that it sent her unconscious. She woke up on the bed in the bedroom he shared with her mother, stripped off all her clothes, gagged and tied to the bed. _

Sara woke up with a jolt, covered in sweat and crying. She was sobbing hard, Grissom reached for her and she retreated away from him, "Sara, Sara Honey, are you ok?"

Sara heard his words and reached for him. "It was all so real Griss, it was awful, it was like it just happened, it was horrible!"

"Its ok Sara, I am here, nothing will happen to you anymore, no one will hurt you anymore, I will make sure of that!"


	8. CHAPTER 8

"Its ok Sara, I am here, nothing will happen to you anymore, no one will hurt you anymore, I will make sure of that!"

"What was your nightmare about, hun, do you want to talk about it?"

"In a minute, Griss, just hold me for a second first." Sara sucked herself into his chest and began, "It was July of 1984. Harold was drunk again, Laura was being her usual self. She hit me, because I wouldn't give another can of beer to Harold, she kept referring to him as my father, he wasn't my father I was so up set. After she hit me, I ran to my room, or rather my closet. It was the night Andy was out drinking, he wasn't home. I went to my room and opened up my textbooks and began to study, I did that a lot, and it offered me a release from my life. They thought I was crazy. Harold had his eye on me; he wanted me for himself. I was sitting on the floor rocking myself back and forth, I did that often. My dream ended there and the nightmare started!" Sara began crying and Grissom started to hold her closer. Laura was passed out on the couch, strung out on the new flavor of the week. She was strung out more than not when I was a kid. I was in my room studying when I was interrupted by the drunk slurring his words at me. He called me a bitch, he always did. He slapped me because I called him a moron." Sara rubbed her cheek, the wound felt like it was fresh. "HE knocked me out, when I woke up, I was naked, sore, gagged and tied to the bed. I wiggled myself loose and went to my room, that was where Andy found me. He was so mad, I was bruised, and battered, he was not aware completely what Harold was doing to me, but he knew now. He ran and got the bat and beat him to death. Laura woke up from her drugged state and picked up the bat and beat Andy to death. I watched it all. It was awful, I was covered in blood when I ran next door to get help."

"Sara, how long have you been having nightmares about this?"

"Since July 1984!"

"Were you aware of what really went on? Were you old enough to understand, really?"

"No, that is why I was looking up the court case. She killed my brother who was only trying to protect me, something she refused to do, and now she is going to get out. It is not fair. I will go on the stands and tell them what happened if I have to."

"Did they take a statement when it happened?"

"I was in shock, they could pretty much piece it together from my injuries, so they left me alone. They threw me into foster care and forgot about me. I had older "brothers" who raped me, I was damaged goods, so what did it hurt," Sara began to cry hard.

"Sara, you can stop, you don't have to talk about this you know!"

"I know, Griss, but I need to talk about it, I was not happy until I found Jim and Sandra. They were so nice, they were hippies, and did I tell you that?"

"NO!"

"Yeah, they were peace loving hippies who couldn't have their own kids, they loved me like their own, They even paid for me to got to college, I could never thank them enough for that."

"It was good you found them, if not, I don't even want to think what would have happened to you!"

"Me either!" Sara snuggled back into Grissom's chest. "Will you hold me while I sleep, Griss, so that I won't have anymore nightmares?"

"Sure Sara, if that is what you want!"

It was only a few minutes before sleep succumbed Sara and not long after Grissom followed.


	9. CHAPTER 9

Grissom woke up startled by his surroundings. He looked around and then he realized where he was and whom he was with. He looked down at Sara, he eyes still puffy from crying, he thought she would be so embarrassed if she knew she looked like this, he thought she looked beautiful lying there sleeping. He had an urge to go to the bathroom, but he didn't want to wake her up. She tried to slip out from under her, but she stirred.

"Griss?"

"Yes, Sara."

"Are you in my bed?"

"Yes, Hun, I am in your bed, I stayed here lastnight with you, do you remember?"

"Yes, I remember, I was just making sure it wasn't a dream!" She leaned in snuggling into his chest, "Thank you!" she muttered into his chest.

"For what?"

"For being her for me, for not judging me, just for being you!" she lifted her head up and brushed her lips against his chin. It sent sparks through her.

Grissom got up and ran to the bathroom. _Oh no, what have I done? _she asked herself _Way to go Sidle, you chased him away, he was this close and you chased him away, what were you thinking!_ Sara sat up in bed with her head in her hands; she looked down and realized she was still fully dressed. She began to sob again when there was an arm around her shoulders.

"Sara, you ok?"

"Griss?"

"Yes, Hun, are you ok?"

"You got up, I just figured that I chased you away, I figured that all my demons finally chased you away from me."

"Sara, you don't even know about my demons, how do you know that my demons won't chase you away?"

"Griss, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Am I presumptuous to think that there is something going on here?" She looked down and played with her fingers, "I mean with us, is there something going on here between us?"

"I don't know what to tell you Sara, it is a lot to digest, what do you want? Do you want there to be something going on between us?"

"Griss, do you even have to ask me, I mean really! How many times did I ask you out? Do I want something to go on between us, what do you think?"

Grissom leaned over and kissed her lips. He lingered for a minute before she granted him access to the confines of her mouth. They shared the kiss for a few moments and then broke it.

"I'm sorry Sara, I didn't meant to push."

Sara leaned over and put her fingers on his lips, "Shh" she said as she leaned in and kissed him again, "You didn't push, do you know how long I have been waiting for you to kiss me? Do you have any idea?"

"Almost as long as I have been waiting to kiss you?"

"Chances are!"

"So now what? Where do we go with this? What is our next step?"

"I think you need to know a bit about me, about my demons!"


	10. chapter 10

"So now what? Where do we go with this? What is our next step?"

"I think you need to know a bit about me, about my demons!"

"You have demons Griss?" Sara asked coyly.

"Yes as a matter of fact I do, buckle up, it could be a long ride!"

Sara nuzzled in beside him on the bed and listened inventively as he told her about his past. "When I was a boy, my mother went deaf. She had otosclerosis, it is a genetic disorder, I too had it, but me being as stubborn as I am waited until the last possible time to get help for it. I had to have an operation. I was going in for surgery that next morning after you asked me out, my head was spinning, and then you asked me out and I panicked, so I said no."

"I am so sorry, Griss, I didn't know!"

"It is not your fault Sara, it is mine, and I thought I was using self-preservation when in fact, I was mildly self-destructing. That is not even the half of it. My father left my mother when I was just a kid; he felt that she was too much of a burden. I haven't seen him since and that has been nearly forty years. He left us, so I figured he didn't belong in my life. My mother raised me the best she could, I learned ASL at a very young age, mom could talk, she just couldn't hear, she could read lips though, she had learned that quickly. I was a loner growing up, I played with dead animals and bugs, that is partly why I became an entomologist, the bugs are safe friends, they don't ask for much and they don't require a lot of attention." Grissom paused for a few minutes.

"I have been in love before, I was twenty-two and she was nineteen, we were in love, we were both science geeks in college. I had to work my way through college because we couldn't afford it any other way, I worked as a coroner. I met her there; she was studying medicine and was doing her internship at the county morgue. We hit it off famously. She was the yin to my yang." He got a bit choked up.

"What happened to her?"

"Well, like I said, she was my world. We loved each other madly. We were together for nearly two years and we planned to get married. We were right down to the chapel, I was standing at the altar waiting for her to arrive, all of a sudden I felt this gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach. I knew something was wrong. When the police arrived at the chapel, I knew it was bad. They informed me that she died instantly, like that was supposed to make me feel better. It seems she got hit by a drunk driver, head on, she didn't know what hit her." Grissom was choked up.

"Griss, you can stop, you don't have to go on, we can do this later if you want."

"NO Sara, you did this, now I need to do this! At that moment I figured I was never supposed to love, if that is what happened on my wedding day then I wasn't supposed to be happy. I retreated further and further into myself. I didn't let anyone get close, until I met you. I have worked with Catherine for more than ten years and she barely knows me. It is my thing, I don't let people in, and they always get hurt so I just don't let them in to begin with. But you….you were different. When I met you at the seminar, there was something about you; it scared me. You made me feel things. I felt awful, you were so young, and for someone my age to be having thoughts about someone so young and beautiful was just uncalled for. It got worse after you came to stay in Vegas permanently."

"You asked me to stay!"

"I know, Sara. I asked you to stay because it would be good for the lab. Being good for me was just an added bonus," he flashed her a smile, "You see, I spent so much time hiding my feelings for you that I nearly lost your friendship over it. I will admit, I did flirt with you, sometimes openly, but once I realized what I had just done, being your supervisor and all, it sickened me, so I had to retreat further and further into myself. It became maddening. I even tried dating to get my mind off of everything. I picked people I really didn't care about, I know that sounds calloused, but it was a survival mechanism. Take Terri for example, I tried to date her, she seemed interested, we had things in common, but I was to inept to date her. I ended up sitting down to dinner with her, my pager and phone going off and looking up and she was gone, that was the last time I saw her and that was nearly three years ago, I hear she is happily married now." He stopped for a minute to take a breath.

"Then there was Heather, I thought that would be a good decoy, I was wrong, it was just sex, nothing more, no feeling, just sex. I decided being alone was better than what I had experienced in the past few years. When I heard about you dating Hank, it was like a knife in my heart, I know I told you to get a life outside of work, I was happy, to a degree that you were happy, I wanted to kill the bastard when I found out what he did to you. He was awful to you, but I must have been even worse. Then the lab blew up, you were hurt as well as Greg, my tongue slipped and I called you Honey, I had hoped you hadn't heard me, but I know you did," he looked over as she nodded. "I didn't know what to do, so I resorted to my norm and retreated further and further into myself. The crowning moment for me was the Debbie Marlin case. She looked so much like you, I had trouble concentrating on the crime scene, I just kept thinking, what if this was you, would I? Could I ever do that to you? I confessed my feelings to Dr Lurie. I kinda sympathized with him, being attracted to someone so young and beautiful being middle aged man. I felt his pain being rejected by her. It was awful Sara!"

"Griss, can I confess something else?"

"Sure."

"I heard your confession to Dr Lurie, I was in the other room with the intercom on, I have know all along, are you mad at me?"

"I am not mad at you, Sara, if anything I should be mad at me, for doing this to you. After your DUI though, I really had to do some thinking. Catherine kept telling me to get my head out from under the microscope, the problem was I didn't know how!"

"This is a step, isn't it?"

"Yes it is, is there anything else you want to know Sara, I am baring my soul to you today!"

"Yes, Griss, there is, I er..um..I..um"

"Well, spit it out!"

"Do you love me, Grissom?"

He was silent as he gathered his thoughts, "You know what Sara, I think I do!"

"So where does this leave us?"

"Naked!"

She laughed at his humor, "As far as I can see, we are both fully clothed, I know what you mean though, we have all of our cards on the table, we are both vulnerable, so where do we go from here?"

"Would you like to spend Christmas with me Sara? I would like you to meet someone very dear to me."

"Christmas, egh, where would we be spending Christmas at?"

"I thought that maybe we could go to California, so that you could meet my mom."

"I will on one condition!"

"What's that?"

"If we could swing by a little B & B in Tamales Bay for a day, would that be alright?"

"I think it would be perfect, we will fill out the paperwork tonight, if you are feeling up to going in."

"I feel much better now, thank you." She leaned up and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Me too!"


	11. chapter 11

Would you like to spend Christmas with me Sara? I would like you to meet someone very dear to me."

"Christmas, egh, where would we be spending Christmas at?"

"I thought that maybe we could go to California, so that you could meet my mom."

"I will on one condition!"

"What's that?"

"If we could swing by a little B & B in Tamales Bay for a day, would that be alright?"

"I think it would be perfect, we will fill out the paperwork tonight, if you are feeling up to going in."

"I feel much better now, thank you." She leaned up and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Me too!"

As the days till Christmas got closer, Sara got more and more nervous. She was spending Christmas with Grissom, going to meet his mom, she didn't know ASL, it was all just coming at her, and to top it all off, this was the first Christmas she was excited about in nearly thirty years. The Christmas's after her dad died were lacking to say the least. Sara was lucky if she got a gift, let alone more than one. She would always find something in the house to wrap up and give to Andy, he appreciated the sentimate, but Sara had always told her teachers she didn't celebrate Christmas, it was easier that way, less questions. After Andy died Sara rarely even thought about Christmas it was just another day on the calendar that is why she always volunteered to work it so that the people that appreciated the holiday could celebrate. She always participated in the Staff functions, more out of necessity rather than want, but this year she was genuinely excited that she was celebrating Christmas. The next problem was a gift, what was she going to buy Grissom, what about his mother, a knot formed in her stomach, She had received an Entomology textbook as a gift from Grissom once, but she was sure he didn't need anymore than he had. She had a big project on her hands and only a mere two weeks to get prepared for said project.

Grissom was getting excited about taking Sara to California. He hadn't really celebrated Christmas since he lost her. He couldn't bring himself to be happy over Christmas; it was Christmas Eve when she died. She loved Christmas and insisted on getting married on Christmas Eve. He chose to forget about Christmas all together. He always worked, consumed himself with the lab. He didn't really participate in the gestures. He did the secret Santa thing, only to take the spotlight off of him; the only other gift he ever bought was for Sara, and Entomology textbook that he had given her for Christmas one year. Oh God, Sara, What was he going to get her for Christmas? He made a mental note to tell Sara about Christmas Eve's significance the next time they talked. He looked at his watch and realized it was time to go home and get ready before shift started.

"Sara, I really should be going!"

"Not so fast, Mister! I made dessert to go with dinner lastnight and you are going to eat it before you take off, I'm gonna make us some coffee and we are gonna sit down and have us some dessert."

"How can I refuse an offer like that!"

Sara went busily about the kitchen and returned in no time with two coffee mugs and two plates of dessert.

"Wow! This looks good!" Grissom noted as he looked down at the delicate creation upon his plate. It was some type of cheesecake smothered in fruit sauce. It tasted far better than it looked. "Oh my God, Sara, this is amazing! What do you call this and where can I get the recipe?"

"It is my own special recipe, and it really doesn't have a name, I guess you are gonna have to rely on me to make it for you!"

"Well, can I make special requests?"

"For you? Always!" She shot him her proud Sara Sidle smile and left it at that.

She got up and gathered up the dishes and put them into the sink, "Griss, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what is it you want to know?"

"What can I get you for Christmas, what about your mom? I don't really know her!"

"What ever you get I am sure will be amazing, I trust your judgement! Sara?" He stopped.

"Yes, Griss?"

"What about you? What do you want for Christmas?"

"Look in the mirror, that is what I want for Christmas!" The words shot out of her mouth before she even realized it, did I just say that? She silently thought to herself. "I am sorry I didn't mean to so presumptuous."

Grissom was grinning ear to ear as he pictured himself in Christmas boxers and a big red bow. "Sara, there is something else I want to tell you, I can either tell you know, or tomorrow after work, which do you prefer?"

"Now you can't tell me that and leave me hanging, dish, Griss!"

"I told you about my wedding day, right!" Sara nodded, "Did I tell you what day we were to be married on?"

"No"

"Christmas Eve, it was her favorite Holiday!"

"Oh Griss, I am so sorry, what was her name? You didn't tell me that either!"

"Her name was Holly, she loved Christmas, I pretty much swore off Christmas until this year, until now!" He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on her temple.

"Is that why the whole Holly Gribbs incident bothered you so much?"

"Yes, it made those memories I has repressed so long ago resurface, and then after Holly died, I stopped thinking about it completely."

There was an awkward silence when Grissom's phone began to ring, "Grissom!"

"Hey Cath, yes I'm coming in tonight and so is Sara, I just have to go home and get cleaned up and change and then I will be in and I would assume Sara will not be too far behind me." Grissom hung up the phone, leaned in and kissed her temple again and headed for the door.


	12. chapter 12

Sara was still having trouble finding a gift for Grissom. She just couldn't find one that suited her enough to purchase. She had decided on a nice silk scarf and broach for Grissom's mom, she hoped she liked it, she also decided to pick Jim and Sandra something as well. Being the hippies they were she picked them up matching tie-dyed t-shirts with peace signs insignia on them. The biggest problem was Grissom. Other than work, she didn't know of anything that he was really into except bugs, but she was certain that he had plenty of them. She was completely at a loss. She wandered aimlessly through the downtown market when she spotted it. It was amazing, a big beautiful butterfly plaque that had a place to engrave. At first glance she knew she wanted to get him that. But she had to think of what she wanted to engrave on it. She thought hard and approached the vendor, told him what she wanted on it and he busily took it away and emerged back with it in five minutes, with the saying engraved.

_Grissom_

_To new beginnings and new demons._

_Love Sara_

Looking down at it she was satisfied and the vendor gift-wrapped it for her. She happily took her package and headed home. She only had three days to pack before they were heading for California. Sara didn't even know what to pack, what would they be doing, would she need formal wear, would she need warm clothes, she just decided to pack a little of everything, better be safe than sorry, right!

Grissom was battling similar problems with what to get Sara, the vision of him with a bow was looking better and better, he aimlessly wandered the streets of Vegas when he spotted something that he had to have. In the window of the store was the most gorgeous silk nightgown, it was a Chinese print with butterflies, it was coupled with a silk robe and matching panties, he thought it was perfect for her, he just hoped it wasn't too personal. He collected his gift-wrapped purchase and left the store, he decided that he had better look for something else just in case. He had an unexplained need to go to the jewellery store. He saw this small pendant in the shape of a butterfly covered with sapphires, he knew that was Sara's birthstone, he had to have it. The jeweller asked him if he wanted it engraved, he thought for a second and then told him what he wanted it to say. The Jewler left and freturned with the necklace with the saying neatly inscribed on the back:

_Sara_

_To new Beginnings and new Demons_

Love Grissom 

Happy with the saying the gift was wrapped and he gave the jeweller his credit card and he headed home with his purchases.

He was nearly packed; with only having three days left before they left, he didn't want to leave everything until the last minute.

Adele Grissom's house was modest, but beautiful. It was all decorated with Christmas attire. She met them at the door and nearly ate them up. They put their things in their respective rooms and met with her in the parlour. She had a beautiful tree placed atop a table with a small village and train track around it. It was breathtaking. Sara forgot how beautiful Christmas was. There were Christmas lights everywhere and candles and the house smelled of home baking. Sara was certain that now that she was here she would never want to leave. They sat down and had a cup of tea and some fresh cookies. Sara was amazed at how easy his mom was to talk to, she had thought it would be more difficult, but it was not. Sara felt as though she had known her forever, and she knew Adele felt the same way. Grissom just sat there in awe of the bond that was growing between Sara and his mother. They were discussing the things they were going to do between now and Christmas that was in less than two days. They would be with his mother for eight days and then drive to Tamales Bay for one day and then head back to Vegas.

Sara went up to her room to put her things away and retrieve the gifts she had brought for Grissom and his mother. The room was decorated with an Elizabethan feel. Adele was into antiques and Sara could tell by the furnishings. The large mahogany four-poster bed complete with the curtains was amazing, Sara almost felt like royalty to be able to sleep here. She looked around and drunk in the ambiance before gathering up the gifts and heading back down stairs. Grissom and his mother were in mid conversation using ASL and Sara was at a loss. She sat there watching the interaction. Adele was telling Grissom how much she liked Sara and how she noticed a difference in his behavior since they arrived. It was a change for the better, she was sure of that. He seemed happy, happier than he had been in years.

They finished up their ASL and welcomed Sara back to their conversation. Adele asked them what they wanted for Dinner, Grissom brought up that Sara was a vegetarian. Adele embraced that and got up to begin dinner.

"So Griss, what were you talking to your mom bout?"

"She thinks I am happier and that you are the cause, she likes you Sara. I am not surprised, what's not to like!" He leaned in to kiss her temple but she turned her head and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. He froze at the response.

"What was that for?"

"The compliment you gave me. Hey Griss, can you show me the rest of the house?"

"Sure, follow me!"

He showed her the rest of the house, it was intricately laid out. In the living room next to the fireplace was another Christmas tree, this one had gifts under it. It was simple decorated with lights and bows. He then led her upstairs to show her the other bedrooms and the bathrooms.

"I thought you said you were poor when you were growing up?"

"I was, this is not my childhood home, mom bought this later in life. Her career was rather successful in the art business. I will take you to my childhood home before we leave for Tamales Bay."

"Ok, Griss, I would like that! Hey can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Sara!"

"Can we share a room while we are here, just to be close to each other, I would like you near me in case the nightmares come back, would that be alright?"

"If that's what you want Sara, I have no complaints." Complaints no? Reservations yes?

Grissom went through his bags to retrieve the gifts he purchased for Sara and his mother, he collected them up and headed for the down stairs tree where they could join the rest of the gifts. They then retreated to the kitchen to help Adele with Dinner.

Christmas eve was the next day and Sara was getting excited about Christmas, this was the first time in years she was giddy like a child with the anticipation of Christmas morning. She wondered what traditions they celebrated. Her father always let her open one gift on Christmas Eve, right before bed. She wondered if Grissom would allow her to do that.

"So Griss, what things do you do special for Christmas?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when I was a kid, my dad would pick one gift and let me open it on Christmas Eve right before bed, do you have any traditions like that?"

"Not really, Sara, but you are welcome to do that if you wish as long as I can pick the gift!" And pick I will, he grinned to himself.

Before bed Grissom was true to his words. He made Sara get changed and crawl into bed. He then told her to close her eyes and not to open them until he told her to. She was antsy with anticipation. He went into the bathroom and changed into the glow in the dark Santa boxers he bought and wrapped the big red bow around him and continued back out to the bedroom. Sara was wiggling with anticipation.

"Ok Sara, you can open your eyes!"

Sara opened her eyes to find Grissom standing in front of her decked out in Santa boxers and a big red bow. He had a childish grin on his face. "Didn't you tell me you wanted me with a bow for Christmas?"

"Yes, I did say that!"

"Well I am yours, do with me what you must!"

He removed the bow and crawled into bed with Sara. Sara was surprised at the gesture. "Griss, what about your mom?"

"Sara, she firstly is deaf, secondly, I am forty-eight years old, I am sure she knows I have had sex before!"

"SO, you are expecting sex are you, Dr. Grissom?"

"If that is what you want Miss Sidle, I certainly am." He leaned in and kissed her. "I think you are over dressed for the occasion," He looked down at her wearing her oversized Harvard T-shirt.

"You think do you, Dr Grissom? Why don't you take a closer look?"

Grissom squirmed over and slowly stroked his wav down her body over the outside of the nightgown. Sara was wriggling under his touch. He reached down to her thigh and felt for her panties. "Well, Miss Sidle, you don't seem to be wearing any panties, were you expecting company tonight?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I was. I was expecting this wonderful man dressed only in boxers and a bow!" Her smile nearly lit up the room.

He reached in and kissed her on the lips, the kiss was that intense that she let out a moan. She was aroused by his mere touch. He was the only person who could do that to her. All he had to do was walk into the room and she was aware of him. He lifted her t-shirt up over her head and gazed at the beautiful form before him. He began by kissing a gently path down her body, slowly retracing his steps so as to not leave anything out. Sara was enjoying herself. She had never been with someone so attentive, he was so gentle, so in tune with her body, it was like he was aware of her every crevice. He traced the path to the thighs and parted her legs and began to gently suck in her juices. He was amazed at how wet she was, at how wet he made her. It excited him even more. Sara was bordering on the edge of ecstasy. He knew she was close.

"Griss, I want you and I want you now!" He heard her mumble. He reached for his boxers and quickly shed himself of the offending clothing. He entered her quickly and within minutes she was over the edge. She kept urging him on and on until he exploded within her.

"Wow, that was …that was nothing short of amazing!" She hissed.

"Merry Christmas Sara!" was all he could choke out,


	13. chapter 13

"Wow, that was …that was nothing short of amazing!" She hissed.

"Merry Christmas Sara!" was all he could choke out,

Suddenly there was a wrap at the door. Grissom threw his robe on to answer it. It was his mom giving him a wake up call and to come join her to open presents. They got dresses and headed down stairs. The first gift opened was the one from Sara to Adele; she was amazed at the beautiful silk scarf and matching broche. She reached over and gave Sara a hug of gratitude. Sara opened her gift from Adele, it was a small painting, and she assumed it was from her gallery, it was signed and it had insignia of a butterfly. It was beautiful; she was in awe as she looked at the painting. Sara passed Grissom the gift from her He opened it, it was beautiful and it had a silver plate on it with the words engraved on it. He was speechless, and a bit excited. He handed her the small box with the necklace inside it. She quickly opened it and looked at the small piece of jewellery inside.

"Turn it over, there is something written!" Grissom motioned knowing it said the exact same thing that her gift had. "Great minds think alike!" he said reaching for her hand.

"Its beautiful!" She said choking back the tears.

Adele opened the gift from Grissom, it was a gift certificate to her favorite store, and he leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. There was one gift left under the tree, Grissom reached for it and passed it to Sara.

"I hope that this is not bold, but I saw this gift and thought of you!" He was grinning form ear to ear as she reached for the paper and began to rip it off.

Sara reached into the box and picked the night set up out of the box, "Wow, its beautiful!" was all that she could choke out.

"I hope it is not inappropriate. I saw it and immediately thought of you!"

"Its wonderful!" she said leaning in for a kiss.

"Alright, whose ready for peppermint pancakes?" Adele said getting up form the floor

"Peppermint Pancakes?"

"Yes, it is one of our traditions, peppermint pancakes and chocolate sauce!"

"Yum," Sara thought licking her lips, "I am famished!" she said as her thoughts wandered back to the events of the night before a smile came to her face.

Grissom noticed it and smiled back at her, "Yeah, I am hungry too, I will make the hot nog to accompany breakfast!"

They all got up and headed for the kitchen. They prepared breakfast and ate as they laughed about Christmases past; Adele was telling Sara about a young Gil, running around on Christmas morning quickly hoping that all his gifts were bugs. Sara was not surprised when he leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"I hope you know I want to see my gifts on you tonight!"

Sara smiled and nodded.

Sara was nervous about this encounter, last time was the first time they were together, this time was different, it was planned, there was a nervous knot in her stomach as she took the gift out of the box and shimmed herself into the nightgown and robe. The silk felt so nice on her skin. She was amazed that he had picked out such a nice gift for her. She reached for the necklace and went to put it on around her neck. She couldn't quite do it.

"Griss, could you come her and help me for a minute?"

It was seconds before he was at the door. He opened the door and drank in her beauty, he decided that the nightgown was definitely the right purchase for Sara; it looked absolutely beautiful on her, like it was custom made for her. She handed him the necklace and lifted up her hair. He clasped the necklace around her neck and began to place chastised kissed around her neckline, she leaned back with pleasure. He led her by the hand and placed her down on the bed.

He began to run his hands along her body through the silk; she was aroused under his touch. He reached and removed her robe and then she lifted the nightgown off over her head and left herself completely naked except for the silk panties. He reached down to pull them off; she took his hands away and began to disrobe him. In no time he was in nothing but boxers and she in the silk panties. She reached over to shed him of the offending clothes and she of hers. It that moment she knew her life was complete; it really was a Merry Christmas.


	14. chapter 14

"Wake up sleepyhead, we have some place we need to be!" He leaned in a kissed her forehead.

"What?" she croaked out trying to get up, she was sore form their last encounter. "I want to stay here, it is comfy! Where do we have to go?"

"Well since we only have a day left here, I thought that maybe you would want to see mom's gallery and the house I grew up in."

"Oh…I guess I should get up then, egh?"

"Only if you want to, it is up to you!"

"I do want to, care to join me in the shower?"

"I thought you would never ask," he leaned in for a kiss and followed her to the bathroom.

The art gallery was amazing. She had paintings from all over the world donning the walls. Sara was amazed and Adele took her on the grand tour, telling her about each piece and she listened attentively. They left Adele with an invitation to dinner at six at her favorite restaurant. They then left to go see his childhood home.

The house was small, but adequate. Grissom reached into his pocket and removed the key and put it in the lock. The door swung open, everything was covered in cloths. There was a small kitchen, a small living room, one bathroom and two bedrooms. It was small and quaint; nothing like what Adele lived in now. Sara looked at the walls there was artwork adorning them, the smaller of the two rooms had some paintings of bugs on them, she figured it must have been Grissom's room when he was a kid, she grinned as she pictured a young blue eyed Grissom running about this house. Grissom noticed her smile and questioned her about it.

"What are you smiling about?"

"I'm just picturing what you were like as a kid, running through the house all blue eyed in search of bugs, you must have been so cute!"

"Do you want to see pictures?"

"Sure"

He removed the cover from the couch and offered Sara a seat, he retrieved the photo albums from the cabinet and began to tell Sara the stories from his past. He showed her pictures of Holly, she was beautiful, not that different in likeness to Sara, same thin figure and same dark hair, she was very excited that he was sharing this chapter of his life with her.

"So is this house yours?"

"Yup, mom left it to me, I come check up on it, keep it up, I haven't decided what I want to do with it yet."

"I think you should keep it, it is cosy and homey!"

"Done! I won't even consider selling it!"

They sat there for hours before they left to meet Adele for dinner. The next day would be long; they had to drive to Tamales Bay to see Sandra and Jim. They parted his mother's house early in the morning and set out for Tamales Bay.

The B & B was quite large and centered right on the ocean. Sara was not exaggerating when she said that these people were hippies. The woman, who Sara introduces as Sandra, was wearing a bright floor length dress and sandals, he long hair flowing behind her. Her husband was not much different, he was wearing old army fatigues and a tie-died shirt, and his hair wasn't much shorter than his wife's. Sara showed them to their room and they got settled in and took their gifts downstairs. She passed them their gifts and they opened them, they were excited at the thought of new tie-died shirts.

Sara showed Grissom around Tamales Bay, it was a quaint oceanfront community and everyone knew their neighbors. He could see how Sara would have fit in so easily with these people, they were so easy going, they really seemed to adore Sara too, she began to tell Sandra about Laura and she got a bit choked up and went upstairs. Grissom followed her to offer her some comfort. They gained their composure and joined their hosts for dinner at their inn.

The drive back to Vegas was not long enough; Sara didn't want this surreal experience to end. She had learned so much in the past two weeks and she didn't ever want to lose that. She was scared that once they got back to work, everything they had would be lost.

"What now, what about when we get back to work?"

"What do you mean, Sara?"

"I mean us, what is gonna happen to us?"

"Well I was figuring we could alternate between my place and yours until we are comfortable to get a place together, we will keep our professional lives professional and separate form our personal lives, if it gets complicate then we will deal with it then, what do you think?"

"I think I love you!"

The sign on the side of the road read _Now entering Las Vegas Nevada _she looked over at her partnerand she knew everything was going to be all right.


	15. epilogue

The parole date approached and went; Sara was nervous that she was going to be freed. She had contacted the parole board and asked them if she could speak at the hearing. She knew she could do it with Grissom there to hold her hand. Things between them were amazing. It was like they were meant for each other. Laura's parole was denied after Sara spoke her side of the story.

By June, Sara no longer had her apartment; she had to wait for her lease to be up in May, she moved in with Grissom. She switched shifts with Nick so that Catherine was her immediate supervisor instead of Grissom so there wouldn't be a conflict of interest.

Sara was so happy and demon free, the last nightmare she had was before Christmas. She was so comfortable sleeping in his arms that the nightmares couldn't bother her.

He proposed to her on her birthday and they planned to be married over Christmas in California. The whole crew was invited. His mom was ecstatic that she was finally going to be a grandmother. Christina Adele Grissom was scheduled to be born slightly in the New Year, but she didn't want to wait, shortly after the wedding ceremony, she was welcomed into the world by her loving parents, her grandmother and many friends who loved her.

Sara looked down at her daughter and knew that she was no longer at a loss for anything; she had everything she had ever wanted.

The End.


End file.
